I can has sad

I'm sad.

There, I said it.

Nothing really seems more mundane than plain old, ordinary, sadness. But when you are caught up in the whirlpool, it seems as though there is very little outside of it.

I've come to realize that robots, not humans, ever read my blog posts, so I am less inclined to suppress whatever is rolling around in my head, for fear of being called on it later. This may come back to bite me, but, all the same... I steam ahead. I treat this like a diary.

There have been so many strange things that have been said to me in the past few weeks.

I clearly remember hearing... "Do you remember how I told you I've never had a real relationship" (to which I replied "Yes") and then... "I feel like that is about to end." and then I left.

And another day where the question was "How long do you think you will stay here?"

And then... in the last seconds of a last moment "It would have worked out." (Which, for the record, if a horrible thing to say to someone as you are preparing to leave the state.)

What could I have done to craft a better last moment, something less heart-wrenching, something less ripe for offhanded and ultimately damaging comments like that? Walked you to your car? Yes, certainly I should have done that. Any moment would be a moment treasured. But I did not. (This is all that timing stuff coming into play.)

And tonight, you called, and the connection was so bad that we could only talk for a few moments, and I didn't get to hear hardly anything about your last 7 days, when all that I want to do is hear about all of your days,

I know it's dumb, and hopeless, but... All the same, I can't stop myself. Feeling everything is ultimately better than feeling nothing. You are a beacon in a sea of boring. I will likely regret these words in the morning, but it doesn't make them any less true, just... easier to stuff down in the sunlight.

So dumb. It all would have ended in tears, one way or the other, anyway,

Still, a girl can dream.